So you saved up your pennies and you saved up your dimes and now your ready to get smacked around by the big boys. The Fanatic has a few tips to help get you through your first worlds.
1. Book your hotel 2 weeks ago.
Sorry dude, but you're probably already too late...let this be a lesson to book your hotel early for every event...and book your flight early too bro.
2. If you are over 25, don't share a room with more than 3
Oh sure, you think it's all going to be fun and orderly good times...well, when your 18, it sur eis fun to stay with 57 people in your room, but if you're old and crusty like the Fanatci "just say no" to low-life cretins that want to sleep on the floor.
3. Eat Big At Breakfast
Hey dude, you will only get to eat once a day...breakfast....there is no time the rest of the day....so eat like 10 men for the first meal of the day....gorge yourself....stuff down 20 pieces of toast and 10 glasses of OJ....if you don't, your weak newbie knees will be wobbley by 5 and the Fanatic will take you out using nothing but 5-bar hacks!
4. Power Up with Cliff Bars
Get in your car and go to Trader Joes now and buy a case of Power type bars. The Fanatic loves Cliff Bars for 2 reasons...they are like vegan and the biggest reason is that they don't make you FART. Eat 3-4 power bars and you'll have power farts...eat 3-4 Thunder Bars and you you might shit your pants...and your farts will smell to high heaven. Energia bars also cause massive farting. You need these bars for calories and energy all day...but go with Cliff bars to prevent the big stinkies.
5. Friday DYP Y or N
I say N...it's a fucking long weekend bro and you are going to burn your candle day one...pace yourself...wait til saturday to play a big event. If your just there to have fun...play the DYP, but if you want big results...save your energy.
6. Get To Bed!
When last match is called, run to your room, eat 3 cliff bars, quickly whack your wanker to a porno, and hit the hay...you'll be trash if you stay up partying til 4am night one.
7. Stay Off Your Feet
If you've never had sore feet, you will....sunday night and monday...you're feet will be exhausted....try not to play too many pick up games...try to watch games sitting on the bleachers or you'll be burnt, and monday the fanatic will unlease a rath of 5-bar hacks like you've never seen...you'll be standing on one foot crying for your mommy...and farting those smelly thunder bar farts...you're a mess.
8. Bring some quarters..like $100
hey, $5 in quarters isn't going to cut it you cheap basteard...bring some cash...and have quarters in hand ready to go mon frere.
follow the simple rules above and you'll have a great worlds! Have fun, meet some pros, learn some tricks.
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